All I really wanted ...

... after a tough week at work, was to sit on a lawn in the sun sipping on a hot cup of coffee.

This is what I got:

7.45am - I find myself bundled off unceremoniously at a train station in the middle of nowhere (don't ask). "Bugger" I think "wish I'd finished that first cuppa coffee!"

8.06am - Drag suitcase, bag and shopping bag onto train. No coffee shops anywhere.

8.20am - Train terminates at Lewes. Drag cases off train down to bus stop. No coffee shop in sight.

8.35am - Bus departs for Three Bridges. Mouth dry. No coffee.

9.45am - Bus arrives at Three Bridges. Drag cases upstairs and over the platform to the train. No coffee shops anywhere.

9.55am - Train departs for London Victoria. No coffee trolley.

10.20am - Train halts just outside Balham, stopped by defective train ahead.

10.45am - Train finally jolts slowly into Victoria Station. Drag cases off train past 10 thousand people trying to get out of London for the weekend. Find a coffee shop. At last! Coffee!

Drag cases downstairs, heading for the tube station.

11.00am - Massive crowd waiting at barriers - all closed. No access to the Underground due to massive overcrowding on the platforms below.

11.05am - Sip on coffee while watching the camera showing platforms getting more and more crowded below. No tubes appear. Crowd around me gets larger and more restive.

11.15 - Camera shows first tube arriving; riot on platform. Barriers upstairs are opened. People storm the gates.

11.16 - Abandon coffee.

11.20am - Squeeze onto next packed tube train, still dragging suitcase, bag and shopping. Tube departs Victoria Station.

11.50am - Arrive Finchley Central. Buy Guardian newspaper, milk, coffee and headache tablets. Stagger down the street, dragging suitcase, bag and shopping ...

12.00 noon - Arrive home after a 4 hour trip which should've taken 2.

Welcome to London.

No, wait a minute. Welcome to f*^&ing London!

I want to go home to Africa. Anyone got a job for me?